is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
MIDGETS
????
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
