Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
