Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
