my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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