bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
