Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
