i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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