He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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