Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
