I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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