u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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