Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
