Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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