I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
