Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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