Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
