I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my liver is dry heaving
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
