shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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