found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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