You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
