the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
