JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
