I wannas sexs uuuuu
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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