I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
