Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize