i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize