I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
