i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
