well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
