did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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