dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
