In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
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