YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i drank out of a bidet.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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