It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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