If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
My dick has a subreddit
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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