Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
