well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i think we sleep fucked last night...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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