shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
