bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
