do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize