i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
