you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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