I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
They have beer where we have blood.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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