The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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