explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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