im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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