One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
