my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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