I will die if light touches me.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
