real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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