My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
