I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i barfeds in our rink
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
