Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize