I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
