This is not my ceiling
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
