Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I got her a Nickelback box set.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
