Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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