You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
