I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
