So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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