I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
